Killer Number Five – Mr. Pot o’ Gold AKA Pollyanna

5937_fullKnow what the big difference between morning people and most-definitely-NOT-morning people is? It’s what they think about when they first wake up.

Most-definitely-NOT-morning people start off dreading the long commute to work, mentally moaning about the big project they are supposed to be churning out, indulging in angst over their four-mile run they have to do after class. Grrr.

Little Ms. Morning Glory, on the other hand, starts her day by thinking how great it will be to see her friends at work, dreaming of how good it will feel to get the big project done, imagining how nice it will be to finally fit in that size 4 dress because she’s been so diligent about her exercise. Can’t wait to get started! Rainbows! Unicorns!

NOT-morning people think about what they hate that they have to do that day. Morning people think about how splendiferous it will feel to have those things accomplished. Yes. It’s that easy.

Procrastination people are like the NOT-morning people. We spend our time thinking about how spectacularly miserable the task will be instead of thinking about how spiffy it will be to finally get it done. We need to take a page from Pollyanna’s play book. Here’s how.

Everyone talks to him or her self. We all have a little inner voice that only we can hear. It’s really quite normal and not at all Gollumy. If you’re a procrastinator, start paying attention to what your little inner voice is moaning about and argue with it!

Little Inner Voice: Gah! This project is about as much fun as licking the shag carpet at a truck stop.

You: Shut up! They don’t even have shag carpets at truck stops.

Little Inner Voice: Well it is. Not fun, I mean.

You: Yeah but…

Little Inner Voice: But what?

You: Hang on. I’m thinking … uhhh … Yeah, but think how frakkin’ fantabulous it will feel to finally get it done! All that nastiness behind us. Nothing but blue skies ahead. Freedom. Tangerine trees! Marmalade skies! Bluebirds o’ happiness! A heavenly chorus! Zippity-doo-dah!

Little Inner Voice: I dunno…

You: Join me! Come to the dark side. Don’t heavenly choruses of bluebirds sound nice? Hmmm?

Little Inner Voice: You’re right. Let’s do this thing!*

You’ve found the pot o’ gold at the end of the procrastination … rainbow. Okay. That metaphor needs work, but you know what I mean. Get your mind off the horribilities of your evil task and focus on the fine feelings and righteous rewards of a job well done. Kiss procrastination on the cheek as you gently push him and his cement shoes off the dock.

*I realize we now have two little inner voices and this is often grounds for therapy, but you have my permission in this case. If you get more little inner voices, especially ones with gravelly voices telling you to do unsocial things, then look for a therapist.

And The Biggest, Baddest Procrastination Killer Number of them all – Mr. [hidepost]Now

now-watchNOW. Three little letters that can get so much accomplished. How many of the following delayers have you used to help you procrastinate?

I’ll start on it…

  1. As soon as I get home
  2. As soon as I get to school
  3. As soon as I get my room cleaned
  4. As soon as I get the bathroom cleaned
  5. As soon as I’ve picked up a little
  6. As soon as I get the kitchen cleaned
  7. As soon as this show is over
  8. As soon as I finish this chapter
  9. As soon as I update my facebook status
  10. As soon as I’ve finished walking the dog
  11. As soon as I’ve finished walking the cat
  12. As soon as I’ve finished walking the ferret
  13. As soon as I’ve finished walking the goldfish
  14. As soon as I’ve finished reading this post

Just do it NOW. Not tonight. Not first thing tomorrow. Not at the next commercial. Do. It. Now. If you are still reading, you missed the point. Stop reading and do it NOW.[/hidepost]

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