Killer Number Three – Mr. Carrotstick AKA Mo Flies


You know the old saw; motivate the donkey by whacking it with a stick on its namesake while dangling a carrot in front of the pointy end. Bad news. You’re the donkey in this scenario. Nevertheless, give some thought to stick and carrot.

How will you whack yourself? With what cheap and ready annoyance can you persecute your mulish self should you dally? Practically anything that annoys will do.

Set your cell phone alarm to go off every five minutes, not allowing yourself to disable said alarm until the task is a fait accompli. Cinch your belt up to holes that haven’t seen use since you last listened to Duran Duran on your Walkman. Wear that “I’m with stupid” t-shirt your grandmother gave you when you were still young enough to think it the height of wit. Load your iPod with nothing but Yanni. In short, make life brutally unfun until the next step is done (not the whole task! Just the next step.)

Which brings us to the fibrous orange taproot at the other end of our ass. Allowing yourself to finally uncinch the belt or disable the alarm is a reward in itself, but “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” as my grandmother used to say (though I’m not really sure why she wanted to catch flies in the first place). What can you do that will pull you forward? Try allowing yourself a few minutes of Facebook knows-candy. Read a post at Whoopee (caution; not for kids). Blow up a Star Wars action figure using a firecracker (Ask mom first. If you are Mom, ask your kids where they keep the action figures and firecrackers). Whatever your carrot, during the midst of that hateful task you were avoiding you should catch yourself saying, “Yes! Just two more minutes of pain and JarJar Binks is soooo toast!”



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