death_ray_germanRevised from April, 2010 post.

If you can’t procrastinate, you won’t procrastinate.

Obvious, you say? Then why aren’t you making impossible (or at least scaldingly painful)? Here’s how you can make the P-word so blindingly agonizing that it ain’t even an option.

First, identify that dreaded procrastination-inducing uber-chore. Hint: What were you thinking you should do just BEFORE you started scrubbing out the trash cans and polishing the plastic ware?

Next, chunk it down into pieces that can be done in under an hour. That huge chore no longer looms and you’re less likely to shirk. Instead, you just have an hour’s worth of work to do.

Still procrastinating? Sheesh! You’re as bad as I am! No worries. Just break the hour down into ten minute chunks and commit to doing a single ten minute portion. You can quit after the ten minutes if you like, and you have permission not to even feel guilty about it. Anyone can do ten minutes. Most of us will find that after we’ve done the ten minutes, it’s pretty easy to continue on and do another ten minutes, and another, and another. [hidepost]For example, have you been thinking about embarking on a summer campaign for world domination? Why not start with building that death ray you designed last August. –No, no.– That’ll take days. Let’s just start with figuring out which former Soviet republic has the best prices on high grade uranium. That shouldn’t take more than an hour; maybe much less with a couple of good search terms, a Russian online dictionary, and the magic that is Google.

Finally, get a sadistic buddy or two to help you bring on the pain. Pick any handy roommate/cousin/friend/neighbor, or what-have-you for this role. Next, hand said sadistic buddy your cell phone (or xBox, or car keys, or Facebook password, or … you get the idea). Make him or her promise not to give it back until you can rattle off sources and prices for weapons grade, fissionable elements from at least three different third-world, bargain-basement, munitions wholesalers. Voila! Instant cerebral cattle prod.

Procrastination is not a problem when pain is imminent. So put that red hot poker in the hands of a willing (slightly demented) compadre and kiss procrastination goo’bye.

Note to Government Agencies whose web-spiders flagged this blog for further inspection because of the use of words like uranium, Soviet, and weapons grade. The world domination thing is totally tongue-in-cheek. I’m fully aware that death rays are made with titanium alloys, giant panda gall bladders, ——*CONTENT CENSORED IN THE INTERESTS OF NATIONAL SECURITY*———-, and Alberto V05.[/hidepost]
© Cody Blair, All Rights Reserved.


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